I am a....

City of Fire\m/, State of Revolution\m/, India

Bindaas Thankam

Bindaas Thankam
"You got to have an eye to capture life!"-Thankam Kumaran

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Confessions of a messed up mind











One day i decided to join the rat race!
I was so happy,cos i knew i would ace.
But the very next day,i was back on a wild chase,
I wondered if it was some kind of phase?
Lost in my own expectations,
Every step i took was with hesitation.
Din't knew what i am talking about,
Sometimes,i felt i just needed to get out!
So many thoughts,
So many things to be sought,
Sometimes,these battles are not well fought!
and i still give it a shot!
So messed up in my head,
Attimes i feel so dead!
What makes me go through these struggles?
Is still a puzzle?
Many nights i just can't sleep,
There are feelings that are seeded deep,
I sit down for hours and weep,
Its like i am drowning in an emotional sea.
when i sleep in the dead mornings,
I am running and escaping,
From the realities of my life,
Do i care,how i will survive?
yes i do!
But,the realization of what this state i am in,
Gives me chills!
It's like i know i am in hell,
I know my soul is unwell,
And yet i put up a good show!
So that no one knows,
The pain i hold!
When i know that the show won't last,
I break down into the shells of my past,
Each questioning me was i not worthy?
Each reminding me the games people played where filthy!
I ask do i deserve to be loved?
I feel i was not loved!
Was there something lacking in me?
Or was it that,the men i met were intimated by me!!??
I wander deeper in these conversations with myself,
Breaking down and entering into a cocoon of silence.
Silence is said to be the loudest scream,
Breaking many walls and many dreams!
The feeling of utter lonliness,
Starts sinking in,
Its a walk in the pitch dankness,
Where seeing a hope is like a sin!
Its' like a dance with the death,
The vampires of my life are well fed!
I tend to succumb to all this numbness,
But at some striking point it is an utter dumbness!
So many unsaid thoughts have fizzled in the way,
I wish i can catch them some day!
Sometimes things are well said,
But most of the times its just a mess!
Confessions of a messed up mind,
So much to catch up and lots to whined,
Striking a balance in life doesn't come easy,
Most of the times,i act insanely busy!
Its a feeling,that i didn do much with my life,
All i did was,i survived!
The attacks of the vulturous minds,
Some where worldly and some where mine!
Lately,i have stumbled upon the truth,
Its ruthless and it tells me am the brute!
Its very painful to see this reality,
All the while i was lacking clarity.
People tell me,i am being hard on me,
I have gone through a lot,"so darling let it be."
But i say no!!!
If,i let it be,
I will lose me!
Let these confessions of a messed up mind be!
atleast there will be a clear state of my being!
I am not here just to live or survive,
There is more to my life!
The less confused i may seem now,
But,chances are high that i may fall down,
Capturing this state of mind right now.
Shall turn the tables around!
And so shall it be!!!
I shall discover a new me!
But for now let me be!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Love me so much.....











Love me so much,that i forget my past
Love me so much,that this love lasts...
Love me so much,i don't miss the pain...
Love me so much,that i soak myself in the love rain
Love me so much,like there is no tomorrow....
Love me so much i forget all my sorrows...
Love me so much,i can breathe again....
Love me so much,that i can break these chains..
Love me so much,that when i look into your eyes,
I can see the galaxy and paradise at one time.
Love me,love me crazily,
But,don't expect the same intensity.
Cos once a slicker said i love you
who made me so blue,
It will take me time...may be a while,
Before,i stop n not whine.
You are an imagination,
My perfect man.
I am waiting for you,
In my shadows of black and blue.
I need love,
Cos am a woman of love
I need understanding,
Cos life is full of misunderstandings
I need to be held,
Cos my hearts needs to be felt,
I need to embraced passionately,
cos i need to feel it's intensity
I need to be cherished
cos i have been been wrecked.
I need honesty
Cos i have been lied
I need sincerity
Cos i have been rooked
I need you for me
Cos i need a sense of security
Love me so much i that i love you like insane...
Love me so much that i forget this never ending pain.

Let Da Muzik Play

Let Da Muzik Play
“It takes a part of me to create art and when i create,it's a masterpiece. My life is a masterpiece cos i choose to be my best friend and not my worst enemy. What i am today is cos of what i believe in and what choices i make.And what i am gonna be tomorrow depends not on the so called 'destiny',but my beliefs,choices and actions. People who have come and gone in my life,and people who are still in my life,I am thankful to them cos from the chapters of their lives,I learnt and I learnt from my mistakes. I am proud of every freaking fiber of my existing mind,body and soul. Everything i say or do,i am proud of who i am cos i hold no one responsible for my happiness or sadness.I hold myself. My identity is ME=Meaningfully Evolved human being and I am proud of it.!”-Thankam Kumaran

Oh Taj

Oh Taj

Wah Taj

Wah Taj

Pour your love

Pour your love

Kith n Kins

Kith n Kins

Hope of light

Hope of light

Two for Tango

Two for Tango

The old ride

The old ride

Standing in the crowd

Standing in the crowd

Happy Soul

Happy Soul

Chula

Chula

Marchin home

Marchin home

The Bull

The Bull

Thekkady

Thekkady

butterfly

butterfly

Love

Love

NeverEnding Love

NeverEnding Love
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